Anti-Childfree Clichés Part 3: How Dare I Be Different?

SHE’S STILL NOT LISTENING!

For anyone just joining us, check parts 1 and 2.

Her:

Not everyone thinks the same way about these things. I shouldn’t have addressed you in the first place, most likely. I belong to a religious tradition in which sexual intimacy is only for marriage, and an intention to have children is part of marriage such that if a couple attempt to enter that state without that intention, it is not considered to be a marriage. I suppose this is easy for me because it dovetailed very nicely with my lifelong desire to have children, which I was aware of from the time I was a child myself and enjoyed teaching all the smaller kids in the neighborhood their letters and numbers, and reading them stories. I always wished I had a brother and in general more siblings than the one I had. My stance could be described as “pronatalist”-a term of opprobrium I found in the NY Times and adopted as my own. And I do think that unless one is consciously sacrificing the good of children for another great and high good, one is really missing something not to have them, and lacking in something not to desire them. That is not to say that such a person may not have many other virtues, and we all lack something of the completeness and fullness of what a human person should be, so that others including myself may have other lacks which are as great. We are actually all broken people. But I do see this as a kind of brokenness. One of many kinds of brokenness, and probably no worse than some of my kinds of brokenness.

Obviously you will not agree with any of this. I hope life goes well for you. I don’t think there is much point to going on with this discussion, do you?

Oh, no lady, the admin will have to block me before I let anyone disrespect me like that and get away with the last word.

1. Religion!
Do what I – I mean God commands.

2. I want kids, so so must you.
God forbid I not validate her life choices by emulating them.

3. There’s something wrong with me for not wanting kids.
You got me, I’m secretly a robot. I’m certainly not a human being deserving of respect, appearer.

4. Sex is for making babies.
No, sex is for fun and breaking furniture.

Me:

No, there’s really not much point in going on with this discussion as you only seem interested in speaking and not in listening. All the same, I am not one to let insults and misinformation go unanswered.

Of course I don’t agree with what you’ve said, because what you’ve said about me simply isn’t true. In a place I like to call reality, sex, marriage, and children don’t necessarily have to go together, nor should they have to. If your religion causes you associate these, fine, but realize not everyone shares your religion. Your personal religious beliefs only apply to you. As for myself, I have no use for religion.

I looked up the term pro-natalist. I found that apart from promoting having children, adherents to such a position sometimes also advocate limiting other people’s access to abortion care and contraception. I hope that part is not true for you as that would be a very anti-woman position to have.

So you wanted children, then proceeded to have some. GOOD FOR YOU! I’m glad that you knew what you wanted, and were able to attain it. Congratulations. I’m sincerely happy that you got to live your life as you saw fit and reach this goal of yours. Tell me, did anybody try to stop you from ever having kids, tell you you’d regret it, or that you were missing out?

Now since you told me about yourself, I’ll tell you about me. I don’t like kids. I certainly don’t hate kids, I just find them to be rude, irritating, careless people – they’re supposed to be, they’re kids! I can only stand being around children for short periods of time. I like to be able to play with a kid, then give it back. Even as kid myself, I didn’t like kids. I didn’t play house and I didn’t play with dolls. I preferred building and re-building my tree-house, which I did MYSELF every summer since I was six. Should someone like me who doesn’t want kids, and would be short with them, and resent them, have them? I like to think that I care too much about the well-being of children to have any.

If I wanted to be as rude to you as you’ve been to me, I’d tell you that YOU are the one missing out by having kids. I certainly would be missing out if I went that rout. Indeed, I ENJOY my life and my relationship in a way that I simply would not be able to if I had dependents. Neither I nor they would have good lives. Nothing good would come of me having children. I have far too much respect for the role of mother to think that just anybody can be a good one.

I have MANY reasons for not having kids, not the least of which being that I personally think it’s immoral to create more when there are so many who already exist and are in need of homes (Fact: every 5 seconds, somewhere in the world, a child starves to death,) as well as contribute the the planet’s severe overpopulation problem, but this is the only one that matters – I DON’T WANT KIDS.

I’m not broken, I’m not lacking, and I’m not incomplete just because my life doesn’t mirror yours. I would NEVER be so rude as to tell you that you should live your life my way, or that there was anything wrong with you if you didn’t.

As much as I generally dislike linking to other pages, I think you would benefit from reading this with an open mind. You might see just how misguided and vacuous your presuppositions and prejudices are. http://www.happilychildfree.com/

Oh, and happy Mother’s Day.